Monday, March 17, 2008

Clearly Madonna is using a tranny for her personal appearances


I mean, c'mom, look at that arm! Total dude arm! Does Justin even know? He's got a thang for gals with burly upper bodies, though that Jessica Beil is totally hot, linebacker shoulders notwithstanding.

I believe the real Madonna is in some secret chamber in a state of suspended animation while the blood of virgin children and embryonic stem cells are transfused throughout her body to give her a more youthful (and less Vegas) appearance. Kinda like what Gary Oldman went through in his transatlantic journey in Bram Stoker's Dracula (rent it!). Just my theory...

Story from the inside...

You always hear everyone blame things on "The Media", and yeah, I know The Media doesn't get things 100% right, but naively I've mostly trusted that the gist, the guts of whatever story I'm reading are pretty true and accurate. Recent events involving my husband's employer,Southwest Airlines, really changed my mind about accuracy in the media. As reported by news organizations locally and eventually picked up by national news outlets, Southwest Airlines was "knowingly" operating "unsafe" planes and had flown some planes "30 months without required inspections". My husband is directly involved in this story; it is his department that is front and center of this issue. It is his career, our livelihood that is being written about and put at risk. In this case, the media got maybe 10% of the story right. Part of this is due to the complexity of the issue; airline maintenance isn't easily distilled into 30 second sound bites, 3-column inches, or pithy little editorials. As such, maybe they shouldn't be reported that way.

On blogs, in commentary to web articles and other places, Southwest has been accused of everything ranging from a lazy attitude towards safety to outright criminal activity deliberately putting the flying public in danger in order to save money. Hey, again, that's my husband you're talking about, not some faceless corporate drone. The bottom line is that some important paperwork issues were not in order but the planes were never "unsafe". They were "unairworthy". There's an important distinction. Unsafe means, well, not safe. "Unairworthy" can mean unsafe, but more often it simply means that the paperwork relating to a particular plane is not in order, i.e., "out of compliance", hence the aircraft is "unairworthy". It is similar to vehicle inspection stickers: they are required by law and if yours expires there's a hefty fine to be paid if you are caught operating the vehicle with the expired inspection sticker. However, to suggest that simply because your sticker is expired your car is now a danger to you, your passengers and other drivers on the road is simply absurd. Ditto with the airplanes in question.

And for the record, no airplane at Southwest or any other airline for that matter, goes 30 months without any inspections. Airlines have multiple, overlapping inspection programs and if an inspection mandated by this FAA document is overlooked, the same area of the plane is inspected under a different document or program belonging to the airline. So it's not as if the areas in question have not had hands, eyes, ears and tools of all stripes on them. Airplanes are in the hanger on average every SEVEN DAYS for various inspections.

But now Congressional hearings are scheduled for April 3 involving Southwest and the FAA. Nothing like grandstanding politicians in an election year trying to understand highly complex, technical material to keep you awake at night. The rest of you, the driving and flying public, know this: you are in far, far more serious danger in the car ride to the airport than you ever are once you are in the plane. And don't believe most of what you read. That's my big lesson for the month.